My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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