Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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