i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
