I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
