I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
