if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
