One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
