I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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