Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I did not marry a roomba.
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