I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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