I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
