Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
