By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
