his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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