I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
