billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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