Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
