Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
