yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
