I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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