better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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