I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
