help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
