The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We talked him into tasing himself.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
