No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dick very happy bro
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
