Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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