I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
