North Korea, Best Korea!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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