Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
