I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
