Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She bit a glass in half.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
