If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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