Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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