Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
