Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
