Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just pynch a tree in the face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
