I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We left the knife in your bed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
