I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
