my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
