She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
