Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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