I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I cut my penus on the lid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
