I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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