? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Two words: blizzard sex
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
