Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
