I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
