I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
