That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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