He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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