This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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