How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
