Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
