dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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