My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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