I hate all girls vehemently.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
