We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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