Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
