so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
