you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
