First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
