there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
