either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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