Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
