I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
