whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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