My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
