Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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