That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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