I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize