I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
