brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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