I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
