Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
