just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
